The Oracle of Paul

“Wear green, not black”, the oily voice resounded to me in the darkness of the sea. I panicked and broke for the cover of the light. “Green is the color of fertility and war, black, the color of evil and darkness”. I almost hyperventilated and would have drowned had I not had the presence of mind to hold my nerve.

“Remember my words, green good, black evil”, the voice continued, (for a moment, I felt like a character in the Orwellian novel, Animal Farm and it was as if I was listening to the mantra of the sheep reciting the rote of ; “two legs good, four legs better”.

“Who are you”? I stammered in abject terror. I heard a rumble and a splash behind me and felt the silky caress of tentacles on my bare foot. “I am Paul, the octopus, the oracle of all oracles and sage of all sages. I am the harbinger of the future. Bide my words and you will be fine”. The terrible oily voice replied.

Suddenly, I shot up like a cork from my bed sweaty, confused and disorientated. It was a dream, a nasty dream. I was still lying in my darkened room in a remote corner of the world. The stars were cocooned in their tent of blue and the chirrups of the birds were like sweet music to my ears.

I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning on my sofa. I did not sleep a wink again that night. Then it occurred to me that I had just had an encounter with Paul, the Octopus, (the magic talisman of the German football team).

Who can escape the tentacles of Paul the Octopus? The fellow has an incredible record of predicting football results. During the FIFA World cup in South Africa held a few weeks ago, he was able to give the correct results to all the matches which the Germans participated in.

His verdict on the derby between England Vs Germany was spot on, 4-1 to the German machine. Paul even got the winner of the final right. Spain defeated Holland, 1-0. The octopus is English by birth, (although the Italians have adopted him as theirs and nicknamed him Paulo).

Paul has become cannon fodder for the tabloid press. American newspapers are reporting that he might have a shot for the post of Russian Presidency, (assuming that Putin and Medvedev choose not to run) and the National Enquirer Magazine(?) has offered him a guided tour of the White house and a photo-ops with Barack Obama.

The Spanish have offered a princely sum for Paul and have assured him a comfortable retirement in the Azores, (it is unclear whether the fellow will take them up on the tantalizing offer).

I doubt if Paul will live to see the next FIFA world cup tournament due to take place in Brazil in 2014. He is old, frail and in poor health. How then can a replacement be found for the juju and magic of the octopus? I have a suggestion. Why not build a replica of the Oracle of Delphi in the FIFA headquarters in Switzerland?

The ancients had a tradition of consulting the gods at the onset of battle. Before the Hot gates affair in 480 BC, (known to historians as the battle of Thermopylae), the Spartan king, Leonidas had asked of the gods whether it was wise to give battle to Xerxes, Lord of Persia. The answer had been negative. Leonidas died in the process.

At the height of the crises of the ‘Year of the five Emperors’, in 193, the Romans had consulted the Adelphi Oracle on whom to choose as the imperator of the Roman Empire. The oracle had given verse to an ancient Greek prophecy which went thus; “The black one is the best, the African good, the worst is the white one”.

The black one referred to Niger, the African was Septimius Severus, whilst the white one was Clodius Albinus. The African triumphed and the black and white ones were killed in the wars that followed.

After the conquest of Egypt and the defeat of Darius, king of Persia, Alexander the Great had paid a visit to the Temple of Ammon or Amon~Ra in the spring of 331 BC. The purpose was to ascertain his divinity as the son of Zeus and to find out whether the killers of his father, Philip 11 of Macedon had been identified and suitably punished.

The priests hidden in the caverns of the temple had given the imperious king the answers he desired. He was the son of Zeus and the murderers of Philip had paid the ultimate price, (a lie, because his mother, Olympias of Epirus was to be accused and put to death after the demise of Alexander).

What then are the secrets of Paul, the octopus? Is he invested with some hidden powers unseen and unknowable to man? Octopi are known to have well developed brains, eight arms with two rows of suckers each.

The common octopus is classified as Octopus vulgaris, the Atlantic pygmy octopus as Octopus joubini and the white spotted octopus is Octopus macropus, all of the family Octopodidae. I wonder, under what classification Paul falls into?

Paul has had a blemish free career of predicting football results. At the European championships held two years ago, he correctly stated that Spain would lift the cup. Pundits had put the chances of all predictions been true at an astronomical 128,000~1.

Cynics might sneer at the powers of Paul and argue that the matches were fixed in some way. But is that really plausible? It has to be a gigantic conspiracy to involve 32 football teams in the world and expect not a single morsel or whiff of information to leak out.

I listened to the Germany vs. Spain match on radio and there is no way you can convince me that that match was not to the death. Or the final between Spain vs. Holland, the Dutch have been to the finals twice, (in 1974 and 78 losing to Germany and Argentina respectively).

I would have thought that they would have wished to make it a third time lucky. I was never a believer in juju or magic but my encounter with Paul, the octopus on a starry night, a fortnight ago has made me change my mind.

The whole of mankind has become involved with Paul. Writing in the book, “Dear Octopus” the British novelist stated as follows; “The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost heads never quite wish to”. I guess he knew what he was yapping about.

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